The BBQ Sauce Principle

I’m going to start things off by saying that I’m not much of a writer. Mikayla has a way with words that I will probably never amount to, but I’m going to give this blogging thing a go. 

When Mikayla and I were engaged we decided to never get in an argument, and to this day we haven't. We have never yelled at one another, so that’s a win. But we have had our fair share of miscommunications. The first of these happened a few weeks into officially being husband and wife. In college, I wasn’t much of a cook. When I wasn’t feeling up for hotdogs, cereal, mac and cheese, or ramen noodles (75% of my college student diet) I’d try something from the family cook book my mother made for me. Ofttimes it would taste funny, so I’d just throw some Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce on it...and that would solve the problem. 

It just became a habit. When I’d set the table, BBQ sauce was always there, too.

            Because Mikayla made actual food for us (and not just cereal) I would turn on autopilot and bring BBQ sauce to the table.  Mikayla made wonderful meals that tasted great on their own, but it just seemed natural to put sauce on it, so I did. This continued until one night at dinner she had had enough. Obviously distressed, she turned to me and asked if I hated her food. I didn’t understand. I loved her food. I always tried to tell her so, and often took seconds. She asked why I always smothered her home cooked meals with BBQ sauce. To me it seemed as natural as having a glass of water on the table. After a few tears and lots of apologies, I promised to leave BBQ sauce off the table unless she told me it was a BBQ sauce approved meal.

            Now, Mikayla is in no way a demanding wife. I didn’t lose and she didn’t win. She brought up an issue that was hurting her that I was completely unaware of.  We talked about it, and I found a way to make my wife happy. I was already happy that she was cooking such good food. The bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's still accompanies many of our meals, but now I use it just for meats that weren’t previously sauced. BBQ was not an obsession, but rather my college bachelor-life solution to poorly prepared meals.

            I would guess that a large majority of issues that come up between couples could be solved with the same miscommunication reasoning. Talk things out to understand where the other person is coming from. Mikayla and I are far from perfect, but now we know how to talk through little miscommunications like BBQ sauce. 

-Kevin