Putting Your Money (and time!) Where Your Marriage Is
Ryan Eggett, a gentleman in Utah County known for his leadership of notable local choirs, once gave a speech to a group of young married couples. His topic was maintaining a strong marriage, and Kevin and I were in attendance. He shared heaps of helpful information, but one statement he made is emblazoned in my memory. He said this:
Nowadays, Kevin has a grown-up job with a salary and benefits (hallelujah!). However, with grown-up jobs come grown-up expenses; a mortgage, hospital bills, groceries to feed a growing family, etc. Our budget for dating is larger than it once was, but not by much. Our schedules once demanded attending classes and studying for finals, and now they demand caring for our children and working a full-time job. But we still budget time and money for each other. Here's some examples... After the kids are in bed, we'll dance in the kitchen. We play Ticket to Ride. We make popcorn while we watch Studio C and Dry Bar Comedy, pausing it at times to quote our favorite sketches. Sometimes we'll set the table for our own dinner after the kids are in bed, with a tablecloth and sparkling cider and candlelight, just because we can. Sometimes we'll listen to an audiobook while we clean the house or work on projects, and we'll stop it every so often to discuss the characters and predict what might happen next. During our Great British Baking Show binge this past summer, we'd find delicious desserts on Pinterest to make from scratch, and then consume them while we watched the show. We trade babysitting with other couples (or enlist the help of our kind parents) so that we can have a date night out to the movies, dinner, bowling, a theatrical performance, or to attend a religious meeting at our local latter-day-saint Temple.
"Is there anything better I could be spending my money on than my marriage?"
Ryan used this statement as a response to others who criticized how he spent his money. He explained that he and his wife go on quarterly overnight outings to nice hotels in their home area. Once a year they take a weeklong trip to a destination vacation. They go out to lunch at least once weekly and out on an evening date once weekly. Every single night they pick a movie and a delicious dessert to eat together while they watch. And The Eggetts are crazy about each other. They have six children and have been married over 20 years.
Now, not all of us have a budget to go out to lunch once a week together, let alone quarterly outings to hotels. I hope it's obvious that this is definitely the ideal, but times and seasons may call for adjustments to the date budget. But I truly believe that our marriages deserve our money and they especially deserve our time and planning.
During our courtship, we made even the simplest things a hoot because we were together and intentionally making it a good time, no matter how modest the budget for our adventures. You can probably relate to some of these examples--I remember buying us chocolate advent calendars the December we were dating (Kevin had never had one as a kid). We'd open up the little flap for the day, eat our respective chocolates, and then give each other a kiss. We walked the streets of our college town almost every night, chatting as we walked and often breaking into song (or at least I did, and Kevin sang the words he could remember). We fed the ducks at the pond next to his apartment complex. We carved fruit in November since pumpkin carving season had passed. We carved soap in January to look like our spirit animals. We sat down to read one of my favorite childhood novels together and took breaks to shoot hoops in between chapters.
We were college students, we didn't have an extravagant budget. But we intentionally spent time together and utilized our little funds to have a stellar time.
Nowadays, Kevin has a grown-up job with a salary and benefits (hallelujah!). However, with grown-up jobs come grown-up expenses; a mortgage, hospital bills, groceries to feed a growing family, etc. Our budget for dating is larger than it once was, but not by much. Our schedules once demanded attending classes and studying for finals, and now they demand caring for our children and working a full-time job. But we still budget time and money for each other. Here's some examples... After the kids are in bed, we'll dance in the kitchen. We play Ticket to Ride. We make popcorn while we watch Studio C and Dry Bar Comedy, pausing it at times to quote our favorite sketches. Sometimes we'll set the table for our own dinner after the kids are in bed, with a tablecloth and sparkling cider and candlelight, just because we can. Sometimes we'll listen to an audiobook while we clean the house or work on projects, and we'll stop it every so often to discuss the characters and predict what might happen next. During our Great British Baking Show binge this past summer, we'd find delicious desserts on Pinterest to make from scratch, and then consume them while we watched the show. We trade babysitting with other couples (or enlist the help of our kind parents) so that we can have a date night out to the movies, dinner, bowling, a theatrical performance, or to attend a religious meeting at our local latter-day-saint Temple.
We keep dating. And we keep falling in love. I think dating is a significant factor to never stop that love-falling. So keep it up, friends. Keep asking your spouse out. Be creative with your time and resources and make it fun, whatever fun looks like for you and your sweetheart. But don't shortchange yourselves a happy marriage, because what better to spend your money (and time) on?
Great reminder! :)
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